Here’s a great column from Frank Bruni at the New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/06/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-the-myth-of-quality-time.html?ref=international&_r=0  He calls it the “Myth of Quality Time.”  I expand that to include quality time with family and friends.

This isn’t about my usual topic: crime.  Except that maybe it’s a crime the way so many of us ignore our families and friends.  If you’re like me, we’re often busy.  Jobs, responsibilities, chores, errands (like getting food to keep us going), and all the dozens of other things that suck our time.  Did I forget to mention the hours and hours we spend on smart phones and watching TVs?  All of it valuable time, I know.

But we forget quality time with family and friends.

Frank Bruni recounts how his extended family has, for years, met at the beach for a week-long summer family vacation.  In his younger years, he would often only stay for a couple days.  Now, as he’s gotten older, he stays the entire week—and found it made all the difference.

Why?

Although we think we can schedule quality time with family and friends (like a nice but hurried dinner with our spouses or a trip to a movie with a child), it’s often forced.  As humans we don’t turn on to relationships like a light switch.  Sometimes, it takes physical closeness and time for each of us to feel the time is right to communicate.  This can’t be accomplished by short, planned-out quality time.

Think of the times you’ve been with family and friends.  The most meaningful things happen at the oddest times, don’t they?  When you’re going to get gas for the boat, washing dishes, shopping for groceries—that’s when quality time with family and friends occurs.  Of course, it’s great to see them for brunch or dinner, but it takes some extended time to build family relationships and good friendships.

Men have a tough time with this concept—believe me, I know.  But Frank Bruni’s comments hit home with me because I am also coming to value quality time with family and friends more as I get older.  I’ve learned from my wife that these times don’t occur by accident—they must be planned and they must occupy some substantial period of time.

Read the column and think about it.  It’ll make you feel good and maybe you won’t dread the next family reunion!

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